A couple of things I need to say to the humans

To those who have loved Gilgamesh, and been his friend, and helped him and me along the way (especially in 2008 when he was so badly injured, you know who you are), you have my eternal gratitude and thanks.


To those who have really understood the relationship between me and him – through experience of their own, or through having kindred inugami mochi/witchy/shaman-y/call-it-what-you-like ways of being with animal familiars – even more gratitude. You make me less alienated in this moment.


To those who have fallen in love with Gilly a little bit, or a lot, through knowing him or through this blog or Facebook or whatever parts of this weird dogumentary thing I’ve done over the span of his life, I’m really glad you got to share some joy in him, and am constantly amazed by how much of his spirit has conveyed, to so many.  It moves me, as he does. As does your kindness and warmth.


Those who don’t get it won’t. But this I do need to say: regardless of whether this makes sense to you or ever will, for me this is a loss greater than any human one could be.


I don’t much care whether people get that, or love it or leave it, but do ask that people respect it.  Otherwise, all I ask is that people refrain from saying stupid, hurtful things, or making extra work for me right now, or otherwise acting like assholes in ways they would not if this was a death they did understand. I will do everything I’ve said I will do, because that’s what I do. Please just give me room, and be kind or be silent.


[If that sounds harsh, two things: 1) apologies, but it’s just information geared to prevent permanent fractures in otherwise working human relationships, and 2) believe me, it doesn’t sound half as harsh as some of the things people have said to me in the last weeks, from ignorance or selfishness.]


He’s not a partner. He’s not a child. He’s not a human. For me, he’s more.  And yes, he means more to me than any human on this earth.


For twelve years, every astonishing gift of a day.


What we have to do now is impossible.


It’s just Dylan Thomas from here.


Immense heart – Gilly’s and mine – extended to all who have been part of the joy.


5 responses to “A couple of things I need to say to the humans

  1. Jen Eastman-Lawrence

    As always, you and Gilly have my love and support. My heart swells with emotion, good and bad, at this time. Know you both are in our hearts and thoughts.

  2. Do not gentle into that goodnight
    Bark Bark against the dying of the light

  3. Fuck, Jess. Just… fuck.

    I hope your world gives you the time and space you need to grieve in whatever way works best for you. At the top of your lungs on the top of a mountain or in a fetal blubbering ball on the bathroom floor. Violently. In song. Stoicly at a podium. Downhill and recklessly. Casting blame. Vulcan mind-melding with strange dogs in the park. Whatever feels right.

    You and Gilgamesh were supernaturally fortunate to have found each other and enjoyed such a profound relationship. That is some seriously rare mojo.

    Anyone who doesn’t understand the immensity of your loss doesn’t really understand the depth of your bond with Gilly. And their opinion doesn’t get to count right now.

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